Interesting Website 'N' Stuff

Changing Minds dot org

I did a study on defense mechanisms.  Then I found one I hadn't really heard of and wanted to know more: Introjection.  So I googled it.  Then I got a link to this place.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

This guy seems to have an awareness of the implications of dispensing such information, and is conscientious in pointing out the problems with using it to exploit and hurt people.  Those who use it to harm will, themselves, come to harm. 

As I've been reading, my stomach is churning up a storm.  My "gut" reaction is so strong, I can hardly believe it.  This is bringing some things into my awareness which I have previously pushed out.  Especially this page.  Under distress, he forgets to mention "hurt" as one of the emotions felt.  I wonder why.  And it's interesting that he mentions "fear" of losing the relationship, but not fear of one's safety being compromised.  That's the kind of oversight I would make if I wasn't forcing myself to open my awareness.  I wonder if he's a victim himself...

When I followed the link to hysterisis, I found myself having mental blocks.  Serious ones.  I was finding it impossible to concentrate enough to read it.  I got up and paced around the room a few times.  The drawing was incomprehensible to me, even though it is simple enough for a 4th grader.  I had to make several passes at it. 

And the advertisements on the borders!!   OMG!!  Check this one out!  I can't even find the words to express how revolted I feel about that.  This is pure reptilian psychoanalysis.  Same feeling I got when my Daughter was telling me what she told her pseudo ex-b/f the other day.  And, if you'll notice, the final quote from the book at the bottom of the page is exactly the same ethic. 

I got an email this last week from a man.  I think it was from a man.  Maybe it was from some machine programmed to anticipate what I want and make an exaggerated claim to provide it.  But I felt so manipulated and ...  frankly, hunted.  I don't know how many men/people realize how badly this screws things up.  I'm not "excited" by this "approach".  I'm nauseated.  And I dissociate.  And I guess some people are counting on that, so they can flop me around like a rag-doll.  I really checked out after reading that.  It was horrible.  The guy from the Changing Minds site nailed it when he said, "repulsion at the lack of integrity".  God, it's hard to even think about it now...

And the ex-b/f just called again and left a voice-mail.  He just can't contain an awareness of my revulsion and rage.  All he sees is his own feelings.  And I found one of the things he is doing on the wiki page for defense mechanisms: Idealization. 

Interestingly, at the bottom  of that page was a source listed entitled: "Borderline Personality Disorder: Splitting Countertransference".  Reading it made me laugh.  Of all the people accused of this!  And yet, while I do have these impulses, I have neutralized most of them.  I fully recognize that people don't come in "good" and "bad" packages.  But since early childhood, I have used a counterweight system to dismiss and minimize my impulses and feelings instead of complexify them.  Now, I'm trying to deepen everything.  Make the universe safe for complexity.  LOL  Like it's up to me!  At any rate, I temper this.  But he doesn't.  He's just lettin' all his idealization of me hang out!  And then his repressed devaluation gets acted out behind my back.  That's what everyone has been doing to me all these years!  How am I supposed to deal with that?

I guess the article makes it pretty clear.  Which is only a fraction of what I've been reading about for dealing with Attachment Disorders.  Good mirroring and transparency.  But, clearly, a small child cannot be expected to do that for an adult, hense my fear cycle.  So, I have alot of work to do.